Member guest blog: does my bum look big in this?

This week's guest blog is courtesy of Co-Women member, Claudine. Content warning: eating disorders and body shame

Does my bum look big in this? *Cue awkward silence*

The answer is “Yes”, and that’s ok.

Not because Kim Kardashian made it fashionable. Because body shape fashions come and go. Apparently “heroin chic” is back, because it didn’t do enough damage to people’s mental health and cause enough eating disorders in the nineties?

But it’s Ok that my bum looks big because it is big. And that doesn’t tell you anything about me. You don’t know my health status, my personality, my level of motivation, my work ethic, how much exercise I do just by looking at me. The size of my bum has no moral value.

And yet we are taught that our shape, size, weight is the most important thing about us. That the key to happiness is to eat less and exercise more and we’ll lose weight and everything will be alright.

If this doesn’t resonate at all you are in the minority.

61% of adults and 66% of children feel negative or very negative about their body image most of the time. Lockdown has exacerbated the impact of body image and mental ill-health. Appearance-based bullying is the most common type. Children younger and younger are wanting to change their bodies.

Women and Equalities Committee Changing the Perfect Picture: an inquiry into body image.

Poor body image impacts every area of our lives; what and how we eat, how we move or view exercise, how we feel in social situations, confidence in our career, relationships, everything. And the impact of body-shame and self-blame for being “overweight” can be as damaging as being overweight. It can lead to bingeing, sometimes with purging, disordered eating, over exercising and full-blown eating disorders.

I have been on a journey over the last 5 years in which I’ve shifted from body loathing and diet cycling, to fully accepting myself and finding body confidence, with the help of the sea. I discovered sea swimming in march 2018, the coldest time of year, and with it, came a new way to manage my mental health and respect my body. Appreciation for it getting in water as cold as 2 degrees, gratitude when it carried me along a nearly 4km river swim and thankful for the extra fat around my core that means I don't suffer the after-drop and the shivers that some of my swim buddies do after a cold dip.

Also, swimming has helped me feel better about my body because I swim with so many women of all shapes, sizes, ages and see real, diverse bodies all the time. Getting changed on the beach in winter is no longer about covering up from any passers by but getting my warm clothes on as quickly as I can, and if I flash some flesh then lucky onlooker!

We spend so much of our precious energy and headspace giving our bodies a hard time. We can be so critical and say things to ourselves that we’d be devastated if other people said to us. And we assume everyone judges the bits we see as flaws. But what if we changed our mindset about it and decided not to see them as flaws - just as another part of our body?

Acceptance has been a huge part of my shift. Accepting that I don’t look like the images of women on adverts, on TV, in the media, magazines, because many of those images aren’t real. Acceptance that I will never be a size 12 again, because when I got there it took too much obsession and sacrifice that it messed with my mental health. Acceptance that I have stretch marks, cellulite, lumps and bumps, because most people do. Bodies change and that's ok.

It’s like when you get in the water when it’s cold (and for some that can mean in the height of summer) people say “but isn’t it going to be cold?” hoping that I’ll say “no, it’s fine”. I say “yes, but that’s OK”. There’s no point pretending and fighting it. And as soon as you accept it, it makes it a whole lot easier to face. And actually, despite thinking you hate the cold, you might see a new perspective and learn to love what it does for you, especially afterwards when the cold buzz hits. The same goes for bodies. If we changed our perspective of what makes something beautiful, healthy, attractive, and focussed on what our bodies do for us, how would that be? I invite you to try.

You might discover that the feeling of overcoming your fear to get in the water - or accept your body as it is - makes you feel like you can do anything!

When I do my coaching work with women and girls, I weave in “blue health” (the benefits of natural water) by coaching at the beach and sometimes in the sea. I help clients get in the sea if that is their wish, working with a lot of women who want to sea swim but are uncomfortable about being seen in a swimsuit, self-conscious of changing on the beach, or are scared of the open water or what lies beneath. Or for experienced sea swimmers it can be the perfect place to talk about their life challenges and see them from a new perspective. For those who don’t want to get in the sea, the beach is an incredibly freeing place to get a new viewpoint and open up their horizons.

If you are interested in working with me, I offer workshops eg. mum and daughters self confidence circle, Christmas and new year survival masterclasses, 1-2-1 and group coaching, VIP Fire and Ice sauna, swim and coaching sessions and film screenings.